There are few things which frighten me but....this morning I'm frightened.
I have to see a consulting surgeon this morning. I have a problem which has to be dealt with. I can't even think of a way to cleverly joke about it. So I'll just say it bluntly---I have a benign tumor in a breast which is increasing in size. Last year I saw the surgeon but no surgery was recommended at that time. But now, since it's grown some and is beginning to make that breast ache, I'm afraid of what the surgeon will say. Will she think I should have surgery? I'm very frightened that she will. I'm a total scaredy-cat chicken about medical things.
Yes, I know I am an RN and should understand medical issues---but we are notoriously bad patients. When it comes to my own medical situation, I am as ignorant as can be.
Anyway, I've been knitting like a fiend on my "Zariski". It helps calm my nerves. I wonder if the stupid cats know how frightened their Mommy is? (And I don't even want to ASK why there is a catfood dish way out onto the carpet....)
One thing that is slightly positive is that the surgeon's office and hospital are only blocks away from our neighborhood's main street. I chose things this way because they are within the "agoraphobic circle" I have created for myself. As many of you know, I hate leaving the house to go out into the community. And if I do go out of the house, I hate leaving my neighborhood.
God, I sound like an idiot.
Anyway, I have been doing as Elizabeth Zimmerman recommends---to knit on, with confidence and hope, through a crisis. So here's my progress on the lovely "Zariski", knitting sideways from sleeve to sleeve. I do love the colors---they look even more pretty in person.
Wish me luck at the surgeon's office today.....