Thursday, November 8, 2012

Okay, I'm frightened....


There are few things which frighten me but....this morning I'm frightened.

I have to see a consulting surgeon this morning.  I have a problem which has to be dealt with.  I can't even think of a way to cleverly joke about it.  So I'll just say it bluntly---I have a benign tumor in a breast which is increasing in size.  Last year I saw the surgeon but no surgery was recommended at that time.  But now, since it's grown some and is beginning to make that breast ache, I'm afraid of what the surgeon will say.  Will she think I should have surgery?  I'm very frightened that she will.  I'm a total scaredy-cat chicken about medical things.

Yes, I know I am an RN and should understand medical issues---but we are notoriously bad patients.  When it comes to my own medical situation, I am as ignorant as can be.

Anyway, I've been knitting like a fiend on my "Zariski".  It helps calm my nerves.  I wonder if the stupid cats know how frightened their Mommy is?  (And I don't even want to ASK why there is a catfood dish way out onto the carpet....)

One thing that is slightly positive is that the surgeon's office and hospital are only blocks away from our neighborhood's main street.  I chose things this way because they are within the "agoraphobic circle" I have created for myself.  As many of you know, I hate leaving the house to go out into the community.  And if I do go out of the house, I hate leaving my neighborhood.

God, I sound like an idiot.

Anyway, I have been doing as Elizabeth Zimmerman recommends---to knit on, with confidence and hope, through a crisis.  So here's my progress on the lovely "Zariski", knitting sideways from sleeve to sleeve.  I do love the colors---they look even more pretty in person.

Wish me luck at the surgeon's office today.....


  1. Oh,my, yes, thinking of you as you go to tour appointment. I understand, the stress!I also worked in healthcare, so i know how the minds works in cases like this. Many times have I self-diagnosed myself, way worse than the actual case!!!
    And about the cat dish.... My little Pomeranian can carry his ceramic dish around when he wants to eat where ever I am, I Do not know how he can hold it in his little mouth!!

  2. Thank you, Mary---you made me feel better! And you're right--I'm imaging all kinds of horrible things. And what's worse is that the nurse called and re-scheduled me to tomorrow. So 24 hours more of worrying. That sounds so cute that your little dog can actually carry his food dish around! Pets can be so amusing & adorable!

    Bo :)

  3. Sending warm thoughts your way, Susie. Be well. :)


  4. And what are the results of todays visit to the Dr.?
    Don't you just love the gremlins who move cat dishes?

    1. Hi Sandy! So far they don't think it is anything bad, but I do have to go for an MRI at some point. The radiologist today told me not to worry---yeah, easy for him to say!

    2. I'm hoping it "isn't anything bad". I've been going through the same thing for the past 2 years but it always comes back negative. Dense breast tissue; but, I am tired of the breast imaging and/or MRI's every 6 months. Will keep you in my thoughts as I go again on the 19th. Think positive!

  5. Thank you sandy! Likewise I am sending good vibes your way!