Sunday, December 23, 2012

Gone With the Maytag....


One pile waits with their god in a box,
The other pile nervously mocks heaven,

Misfits lost in the dryer, take heart.
Maybe there's a place up in sock heaven....

("Sock Heaven" by Steve Taylor)

Okay....I suppose you're wondering why I called you to this meeting on a Sunday.  But I want Blaine to have some accountability.

Remember when I knitted him a pair of Kachina Socks?  I knitted them because Blaine had complained at length about how he wanted some nice warm house socks for winter mornings and he was jealous about me being too busy knitting things for other people to knit something for him.  So I felt guilty and raided my stash--- and found that I had some very good quality worsted yarn in Kachina colors.

And I knitted him some beautiful Kachina socks.  

(Ok, if you don't think they're beautiful I'll understand--because I know my infamous "un-matching socks" aren't everybody's cup of tea.  And then let's not even go to the subject of my un-matching sleeves on sweaters.  It's a sickness.....)

Here is a pic of the Kachina socks I knitted for Blaine.  I thought were very pretty Kachina Socks:

(But see, they don't match---I just CAN'T make myself knit matching socks and sleeves...)

Anyway, Blaine loved them and wore them faithfully every morning.

Then Blaine's brother-in-law saw them and asked for some Kachina socks.  I made him some with leather soles---he loved them!  Here's a picture of them before and after the attachment of the leather soles:

(See, I couldn't knit those to match either...)

Blaine's brother-in-law loved them and wore them faithfully, too!

Anyhoo, back to Blaine.  Ok, so I knitted him those Kachina socks.  They were made with a good quality worsted yarn but it wasn't superwash yarn.  So I cautioned him at length about how he should NOT put them into the washing machine, but to instead give them to me when they were ready to be washed because I would know how to wash non-superwash yarn socks.  I didn't just caution him---I flat out threatened him, if you want to know the truth.  I had worked hard on those socks and I wanted them cared for in the proper way.  

Well, one fine day I needed some clean jeans.... and I pranced my way down to the basement....

....and then I saw it......

There, on the Maytag washing machine was a tiny, felted, Kachina sock---with a coke can stuck in it.  

Yes.... a Coke can.

And then I instantly figured out what had happened.  He had washed that particular Kachina sock in the laundry--- and had gotten back a miniature, felted Kachina sock.  Then he had stuck a Coke can in it in an attempt to stretch it back to shape....

When I confronted him (quite uglily if you want to know the truth of it) he claimed that the sock had been inadvertently been left in the leg of one of his pair of sweat pants.

(Is "uglily" a word???)

Mumsy laughed her fool head off about it.  She has been bugging me a hundred times a week about actually FRAMING the stupid socks!!!!   I ask you---WHO frames ruined pairs of socks????  I don't get it.  Especially about how expensive framing is.  Even if you use the half price coupon for Michael's or Jo-Anne's, it's STILL expensive as hell.


And believe it or not, Blaine is again bugging me for some more house socks to replace the ones he ruined.  He's jealous again because I've been knitting socks for other people.  (Even one pair for my dental surgeon's assistant---I didn't think he'd notice.)  So after lecturing him multiple times ad nauseum about avoiding a repeat of the shrinking/felting episode with the previous pair of socks, I raided my stash and found some nice, soft, chunky yarn in three colors.  That yarn is NOT superwash either.  So I repeated my warnings to Blaine.  I said that when he took them off to lay them on my side of the bed so I could find them and wash them. 

The reason for the three colors is because he also demanded that there be "designs" on them like on the Kachina socks.  I told him I didn't have Kachina friendly colors of yarn.  The yarns are   some red, white, and blue yarn.  He totally stated that he doesn't want the US flag motif or other things that are colored red, white, and blue.  Fine, I told him.  I will do different designs that will utilize all three colors in those designs.  I went through a knitting chart book and circled some designs that I can utilize on the socks.


I always make very long cuffs because they keep the sock up and don't droop down, causing wrinkles and that uncomfortable feeling of socks gathering around the ankle.  

This is an excellent Christmas gift for Blaine because we are both rather broke because of us having to save for my upcoming surgery, which will cost nearly $10,000 in cash.  It is not covered by my insurance.  So we have trimmed our budget by not going to my Mumsy's for Christmas and not going hog-wild on buying gifts only for certain important family members (like Mumsy and Brian's mother.)  Then each of us have to buy a gift for $25 or under for his family's Christmas game---where you put all the gifts in a pile and draw numbers.  Then each family member gets to choose the gift they want in the number order they have.

Oh, and speaking of my Mumsy, I called FTD to have flowers delivered to her on Christmas Eve and they said absolutely NO florists were taking any more orders for Christmas Eve delivery.  I found out he was right as I called florist after florist.  I was crushed and wanted to slap myself for not ordering flowers till it was too late.

And then it hit me---my mother lives in a small, Texan town---and people there are different.  I can't explain how "different", but they just are.  So, putting on my real voice (southern---I only talk "normal" in states where there is no southern-speak so that I don't get teased) I called one tiny little florist in her town and explained my dilemma.  I told him that the flowers were for my mother and I even started bawling while I told him everything.  He said:  "Mothers are sacred.  What flower arrangement do you want and about what money cost would you like to spend?"  So I told him  what I wanted---a Christmas bouquet---and gave him a money amount.  Know what he said?  I thanked him over and over---still bawling.  "For your mother I will fit her order in with my other orders and deliver her the bouquet on Christmas Eve."   I thanked him over and over.  Texans are very generous and kind.

So thank God, Mumsy will get flowers on Christmas Eve.

And so I am preparing for two things.  The big family dinner at Blaine's sister's house (22 people are coming the last I heard).  And as many of you know, crowds cause me lots of anxiety due to my bipolar disease and my PTSD, which is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and my agoraphobia.  I have anxiety for days before I know that I'll have to leave my home.

And my upcoming surgery is provoking an ever larger amount of anxiety because the surgery is actually two operations, one after the other.  The nurse explained to me that the plastic surgeon would first put in the implants I chose, then he would perform the next surgery of the breast lift, rwhere it is necessary to relocape the nipple to make things look normal.  He already gave me my 4 medicines that I am to start when I get home after the surgery---an antibiotic, Valium for muscle relaxation, oxycontin for pain, and Phenergen for nausea.  You're absolutely NOT suppose to engage in gagging due to nause as it could bust a blood vessel and cause a hematoma in the breasts.  (That happened to me in my first aumentation and they had to re-open that breast to fix the hematoma.)

I pre-registered for the surgery and the hospital lady said the anesthetist would visit me.  Then they'll give me medicine to calm my fears, as I've very nervous about this surgery.  God, I'm nervous.  One time I went to a Catholic hospital for an endometriosis sample and I was going to be put to sleep..  Although I'm a Baptist, I was able to request a nun to come pray with me before surgery.  The actual head nun of the hospital took time out of her busy situation in the hospital appeared and called out to the waiting room: "Bo---I am calling Bo!"  And I felt calm  because I figured a Catholic's prayer would be listened to by The Good Lord even though it was from a different religion than mine.

Anyway very I'm nervous---the big family dinner is on Christmas and the surgery is only 17 days away.  I'm doing a countdown for both.




  1. Merry Christmas, Bo! Everything is gonna turn out alright, so make sure you take some time to feel peaceful. Even a stolen moment here or there can help.
    BTW, the teeny tiny Coke-shaped Kachina sock is still pretty cute...a stocking for a certain kitty princess, perhaps?


    1. Thank you, Carrie! That does make me feel better. And I hadn't thought of the little sock being for one of the cats---like the one who DOES act like a princess, Peaches!

  2. Go check out Nordic Mart on the web. They are the US distributor for DROPS yarns out of Europe. They have a sock yarn called Big Fabel. It is worsted weight and SUPERWASH! It comes in both solids and self patterning yarns. I have used it time and again to make "boot socks" for my hubby and kids. No felted socks and Momma is a happy girl! :o)

    It takes me 2 to 3 skeins of it (depending on leg length) to make a pair for my hubby's size 11 feet. Just a thought for when you do have some extra money just burning up to be yarn for hand-knitted socks.

    Mel :o)

    P.S. Merry Christmas and may 2013 be a fantastically stellar year for you and your loved ones.

    1. Thank you, Mel! I will definitely check that out.

  3. Glad to hear you have the number of stitches figured out for Blaine's socks. I also think your Mom's suggestion of framing the before & after socks is spot on! Then I would hang it right above the washing machine for a reminder to Blaine...

    1. Oh I LOVE that suggestion of where to hang it! That's exactly where I'll hang it!

    2. Glad to be of assistance in your re-decorating. LOL