Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Midnight Musings.....

The brightest ring around the moon
will darken when I die,
Now, sure as the sun will cross the sky,
the lying's over,
Gone...like the tears that used to tide me over....

("Only Time Will Tell", Asia)

Night is a lonely place for bipolars.  I mean, I have other diagnoses, too---like PTSD (that's a big one), OCD Personality Disorder, Major Depression, Anxiety Disorder, recovering from Substance Abuse Disorder---and one or two others that I hate to even mention.  (And, of course, the agoraphobia---because getting me out of the house to lurk around the community usually takes an act of God....)

But night is really bad for bipolars----because it's difficult for us to sleep.  And with all the boatload of medications I'm on, you'd think I could sleep.  But sometimes I can and sometimes I can't. 

So tonight is one of those nights I can't sleep and so I came downstairs and am hanging out down here.  And, like many nights I can't sleep, I ponder the remains of the day.  Usually I do this while knitting---and also while I have the TV on the Food Channel watching "Chopped" or something mundane that won't interfere with my attempts at trying to get sleepy.  I sometimes put down my knitting and try to sleep on the couch for a few snatched hours.

And I think.

About a lot of things.

About stupid things.

About absurd things.

About melancholy song lyrics which make me sad,

And about serious things.

Some of the things that are going through my mind tonight are about current events.  And so I took pictures of some of them to pass the long night hours away.  (I think you can click on the pics to enlarge them.)

For one thing, I am still chuckling to myself because I actually decorated much of the living room in African decor, leopard rugs/ pillows and all...... and Blaine allowed it!  Whodathunkit.  He didn't even comment except to say: "That damn leopard pillow is the most uncomfortable frigging couch pillow I have ever had."  I left it there, thinking that he'd get used to it.  I have 4 types and shapes of leopard pillows on the couch and loveseat and so I'm certain he can get used to at least one of them.

I know, I know.  The 55" flatscreen TV and computer tower don't really belong but that can't be helped---they're Blaine's staples.

Next, I'm working on my current knitting project, "Zariski", and it's actually going rather well.  Norah Gaughan can certainly write wonderful patterns in a way that I can understand them.  I'm having a lot of fun with this pattern.

Next, as I surveyed the walls and how they are not quite finished yet, I began thinking about the two lithographs I took to the frame shop to be framed today.  We bought them at an art auction and were damn glad to get them at the price we paid.  One was done by my favorite French artist, Urbain Huchet (French link here), and one is by an American artist, Arthur Byrne (link here).  They are very nice lithographs and so of course we wanted decent framing. 

So, taking a deep breath and (trying to conquer the agoraphobia), I took the plunge and took the two lithographs down to the frame shop to pick out the way I wanted them done and to get a quote.  There was a lady in front of me at the shop and she wanted two things assessed.  She had a small 5 x 7 oil painting by one of her young children that was already on a stretched canvas.  And she also had a pretty, somewhat large 8 x 14 sized jigsaw puzzle her family had put together that she wanted framed as well.

The shop owner gave her a quote, which I thought was quite modest, but the lady quietly took the two things back and bid the shop owner a polite goodbye.  Evidently, she must not have known that custom framing is hideously expensive. 

Anyway, when it was my turn, by the time I picked out gold gilded frames and the particular mats I wanted, the damn bill came to a handsome $735 for the two.  I cell-phoned Blaine real quick to tell him the quote and he said go ahead.  So I placed the order.  So two weeks from now I'll get them back and put them in the living room where I've been saving a place for them.  I told Blaine we'll need a spotlight to gently illuminate them. 

Those thoughts were rather satisfying.  Whenever I look at those two lithographs I still feel the thrill of the auction and how I bid for them. 

Speaking of lithographs.  I am going to bore you to death and show you the childish lithograph I made when I was 14--- one I drew myself from models I knew and for which I won a prize.  OK, the frame job is crappy, but considering that I was 14 I think I did okay.  Here it is:

I should get that one framed decently one of these days.  Anyway, I put it over an area I had made into a desk-type area on a long table on a far wall since there was no room for a real desk.  I am also going to hang all the paintings and photographs of my late father there, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.  I'm definitely slow in putting together this first floor.  (And if you knew how utterly disastrous the upstairs is, you'd know why I'm taking my time with the first floor.....)

One thing I'm thinking about is that I'm internally jumping for joy that I actually had foresight regarding my garden this year.  I had a hunch we'd get some early night freezes and so I brought in literally every coleus I had, plus the two giant sweet potato vines on the top of each china cabinet, and various and sundry other plants that I know will live indoors.  Good thing I did, too.  Because we indeed had two freezes right after that and they killed dead the remaining plants outside.  But I know the flower season is coming to a close and so it must be---until next spring.  Blaine bitched about how many plants I brought in but I told him that he'd paid for all those plants so why throw money away?  And we needed the pretty plants for the re-decorating anyway.  (I know the inside of that china cabinet is messy but I've stuck a bunch of collectibles in there to protect them from the cats and I haven't gotten a chance to neaten them up yet.)

(And psssssst......don't tell Blaine I hid the biggest gigantic-est, gorgeous coleus upstairs in the studio, a room which has not been re-decorated yet.  Heh!  What he doesn't know won't hurt him.  I will LOVE that plant when I finally put the studio together and have it in there.)

(Thinking about how Blaine doesn't know it's in there cracks me up because he'd have a total hissy fit if he knew.)

Next, I'm wondering whether I have the nerve to wear a new watch my hair stylist gave me.  I mean, I love it.  It's a real leather band, leopard print, and it has lovely chocolate crystals all around the large face.  But.... well....it's a little over the top.  Not for me---I'll wear anything crazy and never give it a 2nd thought.  But I think for other people.  I showed it to Blaine and he said:  "It's so YOU" which from him is most definitely NOT a compliment.  So maybe I will wear it at that.  Maybe everybody will just dismiss it with the same thought: "It's so her....."

And last but not least, I'm thinking of the little lantern Blaine bought me because I told him I wanted something of the same "era" as my little Confederate Soldier statue on the fireplace hearth.  He bought me the little lantern---it was delivered today.  So I put it on the other side of the fireplace from the soldier.  But what's bothering me are those yellow gas pipes in the fireplace's fake logs.  They look awful.  I'm going to ask Blaine if he can hide them.

Well, I guess that's all I'm thinking about tonight.  I'm actually feeling a little drowsy.  So I might go knit a little more and then try to lay on the couch and watch TV for awhile.  Maybe I'll be lucky enough to fall asleep for a few hours.

See ya in the morning.......



  1. So glad to hear that I am not the only one awake at those hours. I worked day shift for many years, out of the house at 5 am.Now that I am not working, i have found my late night hours coming back to me, and my wake up time getting later and later. Must be my internal clock. Have always been a night person (married to a morning person)

    1. I've tried all kinds of tricks to try and get to sleep earlier but they only work sometimes. Oh well, at least I can knit if I'm up late!

      Bo :)

  2. I end up reading, and then I can't quit till I have finished that next chapter, which usually leads to the next chapter..... I usually finish the book

    1. That's a good idea---I like to read. I've got two paperbacks I haven't read yet. I think I'll get them out in readiness for the next time I'm sleepless in Kansas!

      Bo :)